Loading
 

Cheating husband left me broke

After being married for 28 years and standing by my ex husband when he went to prison for fraud, we eventually had a decent marriage and even renewed our vows on our 25th wedding anniversary.  We then relocated to Spain for his career in 1999.  In Spain our villa and utilities were paid for by his company.  He was working for an international bank and was country manager.  His salary was $8,000 per month net.  We employed a chauffeur and housekeeper and he told me that as I had worked and dedicated my life to him and our 2 children, it was now time for me to sit back, enjoy life and relax - he said we were on easy street.

Within one year I came back to the UK because he was having an affair (denied of course) with a Spainish girl who was 26 and younger than our 2 children.  My ex husband told me at the time I was imagining this affair and that I was mentally ill and menopausal.  He took me to the doctor and I was prescribed anti-depressants and told to see a psychotherapist.  All the while he convinced me I was sick.  After 2 months our daughter came over to Spain to see what was happening and he even ended up hitting her.  I was finally sent by him to a clinic in the UK for help.  I asked the psychiatrist for my clinical diagnosis and he said "I was anxious due to a major life change" and not crazy.  I returned to Spain, caught him out and when I eventually discovered his secret he battered me senseless.  I was so low that I even tried to end it all several times.

My ex husband took money from our savings - $120,000 and spent it on this girl.  I supported myself in Spain (credit card).  When I left my ex husband said he would look after me and pay the mortgage on the matrimonial home, give me an allowance and buy me a car.  He paid the mortgage and the allowance once and never bought me a car, he even cancelled BUPA.  I was paying £1,000 mortgage plus utilities and renting a car.  I was severely in debt.

The Court eventually awarded me £3,750 per month because of his non payment of mortgage and maintenance.  Did I get it - no!  He appears to be one of those people who just does what he wants and whilst he resided in Spain (pre-EU) he was able to get away with it.  He even came into Court and told the Judge that he gets paid in cash!!  Three weeks after our divorce in 2002 he married this girl in St Lucia in the Caribbean.  He had a vasectomy reversal, she had IVF treatment and now they have a child younger than his grandchildren.  I have now managed to get my life together.  I had to sell my home, (walked away with £30,000), sell my jewellery annd other assets just to get by.

A couple on the beach

When I contacted him via his company email I received a letter saying from his solicitors that I could go to prison for breaching a Consent Order.  He has treated me appallingly.  I am struggling to get my foot on the property ladder.  I bought a second hand Ford car and I work full time.

He and his wife have a villa, Mercedes cars and employer a chauffeur (she can't drive) nanny and housekeeper.  They fly business class all over the world and take 3/4 luxury holidays a year, skiing at Christmas in Switzerland etc.  They have a good lifestyle, expensive clothes and shoes, dine out regularly, private health-care and dentistry, she has beauty treatments and it may sound "sour grapes", but she has no lips and crossed eyes - her charms apparently lie in other areas.  My ex husband told me a couple of years ago that he had married a pretty woman once so he thought he would try it with an ugly one this time - what a charming man!!  Two ugly people inwardly and outwardly creating a baby; heaven help us all!  If you ever seem them - cross to the other side of the street, you can't be too careful.

By: Angela

Share on Google Plus

Comments from visitors

Post a comment

Enter your comments in the space below.

Name or nickname


Sort:

Got to be honest, your clearly better off without him but you should realise already your life isnt going to be high flying and plated in silver anymore, Women should always have something of thier own to fall back on these days however sad that might actually be, then we might have less to complain about when it goes t**s up. The grass is very very rarely greener on the other side - and i suspect his younger woman is merely interested in the same lifestyle you described having, alas... time will tell - i wouldnt want to be cuddling up to a wrinkly old man before i was 30 no thank you very much!! Better off without him!

+1

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

missy - 31-Jul-11 21:12 

wow what a story!!!! don't feel too bad he was an asshole and went and married a even more stupid person!!! what a turn off!!! you are so good!!! I rather have your life than their's.....i admire you!!!

-4

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

Lola - 28-Oct-10 17:29 

P.s Bev has received 'not a penny' in maintenance from this excuse of a father, they are three little credits to her, I'm the Godmother to one of them, it brakes my heart to see how they are left to live.

+3

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

Denise & Bev - 6-Sep-10 19:25 

The system has let my friend Bev & I (Denise) down too, our stories are much like your own, we invested everything in our husband's, marriage etc, only to end up broke & old, we never asked for this mess but have been left with nothing. We were also told we were mad, it was our fault, so much so that in the end we started to believe it & also like you, had to see a Doctor, only to discover, we had been put though such 'hell', we were severely depressed and not mad at all The system is a disgrace, if Bev were not to feed her children, she would be in trouble with the authorities but 'their father' has no such responsibility, he claims to be self employed and despite living in luxury & having parents that are multi millionaire's, she suffered D.Violence but one reported now lives in a damp and almost derelict house (bought as a project during the marriage), with a huge mortgage, working all she can, just to provide enough to barely survive, with no hope of improving her circumstances. My delightful husband, got another younger model pregnant, then with me unaware of that fact, raised the mortgage by thousands of pounds, leaving no equity, then left me high and dry to a whole new 'planned' life, what happened to family value & loyalty......a group huge all round I guess xx

-3

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

Denise & Bev - 6-Sep-10 19:12 

hAHAH I didn't read the story but this husband sounds like a real gent.. a real stand up guy.. haha I think he might be my idol.

-3

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

Murphy Taylor - 8-Apr-10 15:55 

Omg ANGELA-well thats quite a history with that 'cheat'! my husband left me and his two children in Spain too- but with nothing. tho he told people he'd left us a villa, and i'd done him out of a quarter of a million etc!!! such lies- I was really singing for our money and stealing tiolet rolls!!! he's telling people we're divorced now but we are not. he's engaged and still lying and cheating---it all still affects me, still hurts but I am so so glad I'm not with him now-I dont want to live a life with a con man-'she' is welcome to him. he left us for dead almost. no 'care' whilst he was cruising with his hellen. 9 years of lies. how 'they' sleep at night?we were renting! we were hoping to buy and settle to a good life!!! I new nothing. we were happy I thought-still making love most nights!!! shocking...but hey she,s got nothing with that liar. I know much better now but I'd like people to know the truth.

-4

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

Elaine - 26-Nov-09 00:52 

My heart goes out to you. It seems that men have too many choices now and can cheat more easily. I'm sorry you had to bear the brunt of his selfishness and it shoes what a waster he really is. You are better off without him. He's obviously a theif and a liar. It shows that he planned to have you put away - what a conniving, evil person. Could you not find a lawyer and sue him? He double crossed you by convincing you that you needed psychiatric help when it is apparent that he's the one with mental issues. He stole from you and your family. He sounds like a parasite.

+6

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

2bornot - 13-Nov-09 13:38 

this is SO relevant to my family situation right now. Amazing. And I thought I was alone.
Can't give any advice : am simply amazed that you got awarded money for his non-payment of maintenance!

-2

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

feckless wreck - 9-Nov-09 15:30 

Message for who cares
Grow up. You are a fool. This man treated this woman and her children like dirt.
You must be made of the same matter.
Go play in the traffic.

+1

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

I care - 29-Mar-09 14:33 

You poor love. There are some horrid people in this world. I know how you feel ... they live and breathe lies. Mine thought he was some sex god - I pity the woman who ends up with him. When I find out - I'll dish all the dirt on him. You should fight to get this money back. Don't give up. He's a fool and one day he'll suffer.

0

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

a supportive woman - 29-Mar-09 14:29 

3 years ago I had a daughter, then another. I worked my butt off while he did whatever. Never paid for anything. I would cry and beg him to help. I bought him a business and he still did nothing, except cheating along with the emotional abuse. I asked him to leave and some time pass he got a job and we got back together. Well It didn't last long. He paid the house bills and I paid mortgage. When it came time for him to pay. We were homeless. He lied to the week it was due knowing I would have gone back to work if he couldn't pay. I had to sell our dog and our belongings. My middle child was hurt and he wont even talk to her about it. He wont help us cope. He said he didn't love me and went off. Pretty much his free ride was over. Well He hasn't paid anything yet. Although He let me put somethings in his name, because my credit is ruined, I pay them. My problem is he wants me to let him take the kids away on a trip and he wants to just disrupt our lives. My daughter has been though so much and he doesnt understand we all need time to heal. I let him visit for thanksgiving but, I would like a nice holiday with my children without the pain of him. I have 3 kids and the oldest knows what happened. My 2nd is a mess. The baby cant really understand. Do I have to let him, He tries to use that I am a christian and I have to forgive him, But I need time.

+6

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

A - 17-Mar-09 12:38 

Let him keep the lavish lifestyle, the tart, and the kid who will barely be in primary school when his father gets his first zimmer frame. Let him get on with the fantasy world he's created for himself. You have what he doesn't. The respect of your children, your own self respect, and your independence. Take control of your life and make the very most of it. If you allow him to ruin it from afar, you've only yourself to blame. Work hard, play hard, enjoy your new start.

+1

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

A person - 11-Feb-09 14:01 

Your experience sounds fairly similar to somebody else I know. But from experience I can tell you that life has a way of dealing with people like your husband.... Sooner or later.

Just leave them to it, the pair of pathetic cruel idiots. They are not worth your energy. Hard though it is, you must focus on rebuilding your own life and make the very most of it. You may find that your best times are yet to come. OK so you may not have their lavish lifestyle, but you have your self respect and dignity - things which your husband flushed down the toilet.

-2

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

A man - 10-Feb-09 17:24 

Hello my name is Elizabeth and I write for women's magazines. Your story is outrageous and I know the magazines would pay a great deal of money if you were prepared to share it.
My number is 01488686810 I would love to hear from you.

+2

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

Elizabeth - 17-Sep-08 15:46 

If you would like someone GENUINE to talk with for harmony and (not wishy-washy) spiritual peace and guidance then you can write to me lovessence at aol dot com. I live in Kent.

+2

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

Dee - 19-May-08 05:11 

Agree with the last post. You are bound to have regrets and the change in lifestyle is very tough to get used to. But you are free of a man who is capable of fraud and of screwing around. Who is to say she won't be next. Start planning for what kind of life YOU want, living where you want to live rather than making sacrifices for him. The world is your very own oyster. Keep looking forward. You have my sympathy.

-1

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

meg - 19-May-08 00:40 

The best advice I can give to you Pamela is to let it go.... All this hatred and bitterness will eventually eat you up inside until there is nothing less. At least you have your children and grandchildren to treasure and love. Material things aren't everything and you never know what is around the next corner. You have a car and a job which is still a lot more than some people have. Yes, life is hard and often unfair, but it is also rewarding. You get back what you put in. At least you are now supporting yourself and each time you are able to buy something new it means more because you worked for it. Put all of your energy into your new life and live it, rather than looking back at your old life and having regrets. Good luck x

+2

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

Andrea - 6-May-08 09:22 

A bit of a silly comment there Bernie, heaven help you should you ever be in a situation where you could use some help and support.

0

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

Mark - 24-Apr-08 21:17 

Having to buy a cheap second hand car and go to work full time.....how do you cope? My heart bleads.

Welcome to the real world.

+1

 Vote for this commentVote against this commentClick to rate  Report This Report

Bernie - 23-Apr-08 14:21 

Sort:

Close

Enter email to receive updates:RSS Feed

Twitter