Mums at the school gate

Hi dear mums. It is all a sad case of ethnocentricity which we can find everywhere in the world. The prejudice can go from something as small as being older, prettier, poorer to clever and independent. People with prejudice will grab into anything to make themselves feel more important than they are. This is the central base for these type of groups. In general they are small minded infantile human who are stuck in the popularity contest of the puberty years. They are extremely unhappy people who can not function outside the herd. Reading the comments is helpful as it clearly points out that is these people who have a problem. If they were truly confident they would thrive on empathy and friendliness towards all parents!

I have gone through this twice now - I had a problem with my son's 1st school and things got so out of hand with the mum's and also the teachers (bad attitude teachers - this is another story altogether), that I stupidly changed schools thinking the new school would be different - well to my suprise, it's exactly the same. I live in an area where people on the whole are very 'cliquey' . I've lived here for 4 years and the community has certain 'ethnicity' groups which I do not fit into.....so automatically, I'm classed as an 'outsider'. I'm a confident well dressed woman with a beautiful friendly boy who makes friends easily. I hate to say this, but I feel the majority of the people in my area are known as 'chavs' .....however, although my area is well known for being a 'chav area' I have never judged anyone as I have a very diverse mix of friends. Infact, i'm a very friendly person although very private. I must admit, these 'unfriendly mums' behaviour was starting to get to me but to be honest, having to go through it a second time is 'water off a ducks back'. As my boyfriend tells me constantly - they are just a bunch of stupid ignorant jealous women who are not happy with their lives or theirselves. And we must all remember that we only have to put up with these stupid people for 10 mins max a day. Although, for me its probaly 5 mins.lol!!! What I do now is pick and drop off my son at the very last minute - I have the teachers rolling their eyes but were never late and atleast I avoid most of the idiots.

One more point: Please mums, don't feel bad....just think to yourselves - If these people are so cold, unfriendly and ignorant, would you really want to know them? I certainly don't!

Love your attitude, that is my biggest regret, I feel I didn't stand up for myself, and I ended up having nothing to do with any of the school activities, even though I really longed to, I just couldn't bear the anxiety I felt when I came any where near the school. I too had the not being invited to any parties....even now thinking about the distress he was in when he came out of school makes me feel sick, but you are right, they will choose their own friends as they get older, he moves on to senior school in Sept and he has got some good friendships now. We can put the past behind us and move on! And it is sooooo their lose as I too have an excellent sense of fun and I am a damn good friend:):):)

we are a young good looking couple, with a good sense of fun with a beautiful daughter. she is in a small class and keeps asking me why she cant go to anyones bday party. imagine everyone in her class except my daughter getting bday invites, well this has happened every single time. however, my daughter is very popular with the other children and we have even had the other children coming up and saying to us,my mum keeps saying no! well my message to these mums is, this may wash whilst their younger, but when they get older it wont. and one day it may backfire on you because who knows what our children will grow up to be.
well going forward with it at the moment we are doing the drop off and pick up just in time. however, they are going to have to deal with our attractive mugs:) on the regular because im going to be involved with everything to do with that school and I mean everything, commitees sports days fundraising everything for the next 6yrs. more power to our elbow, feed off their negativity and turn it into a positive. in time they will realise who we are, and besides I would do this stuff anyway for my daughter, but it just gives me more energy to feed off their negative vibes and get more involved. to anyone else this is happening to, you should do the same, it makes you way stronger than them and something positive might come out of it. as the romans said - better it is to have a stout heart and suffer ones share of evils, than to always wonder what is going on. here endeth the lesson:) I hate bullies, always have and always will and always fought them!

So reassuring that Im not only one this has happened to. The first years of my sons school years were hell for both of us because of the clique. I had my name crossed off a parents evening appointment list, backs turned on me, even dads whos names I didnt know making nasty comments at me, dirty looks from mums and their children! Then after the second year it kind of eased off, and I noticed it happening to someone else! weird huh!

arrrgh!! effing school mums do my head in. even the one's who I have known for a few years now and my kids play with their kids - they've been to my house lots of times and my kids to their houses but still they avoid eye contact most of the time so they don't have to speak to you. the other day one went out of her way to talk to me because she was away from her usual clique and talked as if she was a really good friend of mine, the next day she totally blanked me. i've been trying to arrange for my kid to go to her friends house for ages now and its really hard work - her mum keeps saying yes she can come next week, then that doesn't happen because she avoids me and when I ask she says oh your kids got stuff on next week hasn't she! what's that got to do with now. her kid wants mine to go there but it just aint happening. is it me or what???????????

I notice a interesting dynamic when I drop my son off at preschool today. There is the regular group of parents talking whilst I am one of the outsiders. One guy who I walk past his house and say hello to on a regular basis, didn't acknowledge me, because he was with the group.

Years ago we bought my daughter a pony, she used to ride it through the village where we lived I spotted her one day. Her nose was in the air & she was looking disdainfully at folk, I asked her why, I also reminded her she certainly did not have anything to be snobby about. I put it down to having a pony, 4X4s do the same thing to folk.

I should say, that it amazes me that a lot of those other mums (the snobby ones) can be so rude. I was taught manners as a child but it seems that they weren't.
Isn't the nice thing to do when you see another mum standing on her own is to walk up to her and start a conversation?
There have been numerous times when I have smiled at someone and they look 'right through' me. Other times I have held the door opened for them without them even saying thank you in return. (one time I got so peeved at that, that I 'accidently' let go of the door so the door closed on their arm - oops silly me! ;-) )

Meanwhile some of their daughters are giving my daughter 'similar' treatment. Commenting on her clothes (not in a nice way). These are 5 yr olds!
Another generation of rudeness begins!

Ugh, I go through the same thing even after 5 years of taking my children to the same school.
I actually do drive a 4 wheel drive ;-) but it hasn't made the world of difference ha ha.
Now I have got it down to pat: come just 'on time' grab my kids then run!

I find this at the school my kid are at. There are some 'normals' but a lot are stuck up b*****s in their little clique. Just yesterday, I said hello to the mother of someone in my son's class, she didn't reply and just looked at me like I was something she had just scraped off her shoe. It's horriible and hard not to take it personally. Can also feel like everyone fits in and you don't etc etc. But I just try and concentrate on the Mums I do get on with. Good luck with it all!

Jujafab, It's nice to read of someone like you that has had prob's in the past but risen above them and battled on.If more people had you're sense this country would not be in the mess it is now. good luck for the future.

I split from my partner when kids were really young. we had a lovely house on a cul-de-sac with loads of other kids around. we lost house and rented for few years until I could afford to buy a nice little modest house further from the school with no other kids around. I am so proud of my little house and appreciate it because ive had to work hard to provide a nice home for myself and the kids. it makes me laugh when the other mum's from the so-called posh estates moan about the house accross the road looking bigger than theirs even though its the same size! I have an old battered car that ive had for over 10 years but its more reliable than lots of the newer ones. I know the other parents at school compete for the best cars, houses, cleverest kids - but they are never happy or satisfied they always want better. I have never been impressed with materialistic people I don't care if theirs houses are bigger, cars are better etc. I am happy with my lot thank you very much. get over yourselves!

Many moons ago one Saturday morning I took my daughter to a local school, for dancing lessons, we had a news agency & it was the wife’s turn to work, I arrived a bit late & the class had started. The teacher signaled for me to sign the register then go. There was a small fee. I put my daughter’s fee into an empty tin. The daughter of a high ranking policeman was already dancing, she was friend of my daughter; it was at her behest my daughter was there. The point I make is this man or his wife had signed to say he was unemployed, thus exempt from paying, this small fee, No snob at the school gate has ever impressed me.

Once upon a time it was the mums that had to wait for the kids to get ready for school, now some poor kids have to wait for their mothers while they tart themselves up trying to impress the other snobs at the school gates.And all thoughs 4x4's and bmw's that belong to finance companies, no wonder their kids are anti-social.

As a dad who walks his kids to school, I have stood (smiling)and listened quietly to some of these upper class mums spouting off about their superior lives. And occasionally the same type of mum(or dad) takes his/her ticket in the waiting room at the CAB office and tells of their financial woe's. So when you next hear these people bragging about how well off they are just think to yourself it's most probably all on credit and they are up to their necks in debt and stress.

I too feel the same about the other school mums. I have two girls at primary school and I have always been polite to the other mums and kids. unfortunately the area I live in is very cliquey and if you have not grown up there, got a job there and all your family still live there you have got no chance of fitting in at all! my eldest girl used to be really popular for the first couple of years but these days she doesnt get invited to anyones houses anymore. she is a lovely friendly girl, always happy and smiling but somehow she just doesnt fit in to the clique. she hardly goes to any parties and when she had a party a couple of years ago half of her so called friends said they couldnt come. I sometimes feel like the other mums are talking behind my back and stirring things. I always have to speak first but get looked at like I dont belong and shouldnt even have the cheek to speak to these mums. I am quite shy and dont gossip, maybe this is the problem? my youngest girl is shy and I have to make an effort for kids to play with her - she's had one friend round to play but I have to do all the chasing with the mother and it feels like hard work. she goes to lots of parties at the moment as did my older daughter at first but I know as they get older it will drop off. im a single mum and I dont know if that makes a difference. the other mums arent all cliquey I do speak to a handful but even they sometimes ignore me and its really depressing I sometimes feel like im still at school myself. these spiteful cliquey stuck up mothers should put theirselves in our shoes and see how they would feel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I have sat through hours of counselling trying to understand why these other mums "don't like me..." whined 'marianneand lew'

Dear God. If only one had so little about which to worry.

Your life seems to mirror mine....to the last comment. I have sat through hours of counselling trying to understand why these other mums "don't like me", "can't be bothered with me", etc. I am sick of all of these nasty, materialistic mothers with their air of superiority because they live in wealthy areas and drive 4x4s and carry mulberry handbags. I just wish people could be friendly and genuine....

I totally agree. There is a bunch of mums at my childrens school that stare point , dirty looks and the rest of the crap they give people. Us nice mums deal wiv it all the time and these rude mums think they rule the school . I smile the whole time I in the school and they hate it. Good luck.