Husband couldn't resist temptation
14-May-2008
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Husband couldn't resist temptation

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I am over him but I thought I'd toss this out there anyway because any feedback at all helps.  I was with my partner for three years, two of which we lived at his parents home together and we focused on racing bikes and building a solid best-friend romance.  We did not have to pay rent or utilities so we were getting a "free ride".  I moved in with him because he would not move out and get an apartment with me.  He worked part time and was also in school.

A young couple

After two years we moved out, got our own apartment and started our life together.  At first it was GREAT, but over time (about eight months in) I started to see he was not happy with his life; not happy with part-time work, with school, with the National Guard and he slowly stopped helping out with the bills.  Red flags?  Yep, but I kept the blinders on.

Eventually, as planned he got into special forces military school (his dream profession), we got married me and we bought him a new Jeep.  The plan was for me to move out and be with him in North Carolina after eight months when he was ready for him to come out.

However, less than a week before he is due to leave, he broke up with me and I found out that he has been hanging out with a woman from our gym for the past few months whilst I was out working and paying the bills.

He claims its just a "friendship" but I am no fool.  She is his fantasy woman in all ways and I am guessing he could not resist the temptation.  Funny thing is that I have his dog and all his left belongings.  There are more lose ends here than on a fringe carpet.  Its absolutely ludicrous.  He has a bad ass new Jeep (his latest toy) and a new love (Lust) interest on his arm (he thinks she is a "pro athlete" - she isn't, but whatever) and his ego is GINORMOUS because he is about to become a Special Forces Soldier, etc, etc.

So, I am guessing that he loved me, thinks he "fell out of love" with me (when did he have time?) and feels this new woman "understands him better" To me this is all crap and he has NO CLUE what he has just lost.  It has NOT hit him yet either and it will probably be a year or two before he realizes what he has lost.  And all for what?  To chase after some "pro athlete" hottie?  Arrgh, you live and learn I suppose eh?  I would have Taken a bullet for this guy and this is how he treats me!

I guess its more fun to chase shiny new things than rekindle love in a solid loving emotionally stable respecting union.  Perhaps he just could not face the overwhelming fears of commitment and follow through.  He has no sense of commitment, has never held down a full time job in his life and yet he is in his thirties.  Does anyone have any thoughts on all of this?

By: Leigh


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Go knit yourself a 'cardy' and you'll feel much better.
*Marriage Guidance Councillor  22-Oct-2007 21:15

 
If he wants you back a year or two down the road, claiming that he now knows what he lost, then dont believe him. As he was walking down the road with his bags it would have struck him what he had lost, the fact is it didnt strike him, and he happily marched away to his new womans bed. I wouldnt think for one minute it was a shortfall on your part, I think that the man has no class, little intelligence and has the moral fibre of a maggot, once you start to realise that he doesnt feel he 'lost' anything, then you can move on, find someone worthy of you and relax in the knowledge that if he did it to you, then he will probably do it to his new woman, by the time he does it to her, you will be flying, and in love with a decent man.

Sian Griffiths
*Sian Griffiths  07-Sep-2007 16:29

 
I contend that for most or all of us there is an ideal "type" to which we are immensely attracted. Egos and immaturity aside, if we happen to encounter our "ideal man/woman" in a social context and there is immediate and obvious chemistry it is difficult to ignore. Many do of course, but those that don't often follow an irrestible urge. I'm not condoning it, and integrity in a relationship is vital. However, it can be severely tested.

Some people view it philosophically and are amazingly understandable about a partner finding their "one", and are prepared to stand aside and move on eventually. Others see it as loathsome betrayal and fling all the mud they can at them. It's for each of us to determine, not for others to judge.

Then again, today we live in a shallow, throwaway society. The tendency has arisen to discard anything that isn't "quite right", and so it is with relationships. Commitment is harder today than ever before, I believe. 40% of new relationships begin in the workplace, and most people in the workplace have partners of one sort or another. Cheating is rife everywhere and at all levels. People (esp young women) dress provocatively to entice. Many people have no values and see married individuals as fair game.

Personally, I try to adopt the philosophical approach. There are attractive people everywhere, that can't be ignored. My partner may see someone she fancies. Me likewise. Thing is, how well do you know the one you're with? Betrayal is devastating, but if it happens then you were not with the right one.

Life is tough, then you die.
*Socrates  07-Sep-2007 00:29

 
Anyone who treats people as commodities (male or female) isn't worth spit.

Sad that they cause so much lsting damage, and think nothing of it.
*Nick  30-Jul-2007 17:57

 
Sounds like he was way too immature and selfish for marriage.

Better luck next time.
*sympathetic  23-Jul-2007 14:47

 
I agree! You rattle this out! Are you over him? There are many lose ends, good luck in sorting them out.
*bigbwana  08-May-2007 18:27

 
Your first words, "I am over him but...." You sound so over him!

He found a shiny new toy - the sooner you accept people are shallow s-h-1-t-s the sooner you really will get over it.
*Not so Fluffy  04-May-2007 15:42


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