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A biased and unfair system

It took the CSA nearly twelve years to finally persuade my ex-partner to pay any kind of maintenance towards our children, but this gripe isn't about maintenance or payments.  It's about how biased and unfair the system is.

Two weeks ago I grounded my youngest daughter (now aged 14) for not completing her homework assignments and disrespecting her teachers.  She contacted my ex-partner who basically told our daughter that she was right to disrespect her teachers because they are all useless idiots (the actual choice of words used were more abusive), and that I am an "authoritarian interfering prat that doesn't understand teenagers."  My daughter was also told that she should come and live with them at their house where she could have a new mobile phone.  She could use the Internet as long as she likes and other treats such as going to the cinema regularly and lots of new clothes etc.

Well it should come as no surprise that after a vicious tantrum and an argument, my daughter ran away to live at my ex-partner's house. How could she resist that kind of bribery?  However not long after she left I received a letter from the CSA saying that as far as the CSA are concerned my daughter now lives with my ex-partner.  The notification date was within 12 hours after my daughter going to live there!

I have a full (not shared) residence order and this was granted only after the very careful consideration from the welfare, health services and courts etc.  I was assessed questioned and visited at home before the decision was made.  This was by no means a quick process.

Leaving home, carrying a suitcase

My ex simply made a phone call to the CSA...

Could the disparity in service and biased interpretation of the rules be because I am a MALE single parent?

By: St Jude

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I have 3 children and had sole residency for them. I splt from my ex-husband when the youngest was 8 months. Because my ex was on every benefit imagnable disability etc. on an higher amount of income than I had for working full time. , he was not eligible to pay anything and has not contributed in any way for the last 24 years. 18 months ago when my son was 14 he went to live with him for 18 months. I had still got a 16 year old daughter at full time college living at home. So I thought one each no csa would be payable either way. How wrong. I was penalised and had to pay full CSA to him for one child,, and a massive backlog. whilst still supporting my other child totally at college. He had to pay £5 and I have received nothing of this. My son returned to me leaving me these CSA payments have left me with financial problems up until this day. How unfair is this system.?????

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dismayed mother - 11-Mar-11 14:45 

yes I think it is a very biased and infair system I have been married twice and my eldest son lived with me from when he was 18months until I remarried 7 yrs later,my 14 yr ol d lives with me although my 12 yr old lives with his mother he also would like to live with me but she just turns round and says no your not living with your dad so the fight is on

+1

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gazz - 27-Feb-11 18:27 

Upset! Go to your M.P. and ask them to contact CSA on your behalf. The system is there for both parents. If you are the parent with care then the absent parent should financially support their child irregardless of their circumstances.

Some people on here talk of feckless fathers. There are feckless mothers as well. I was married to one, and she abandoned our child for me to raise on my own, without any financial support. It was only by embarassing my M.P., that I got maintenance!

+5

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Rippedoffdad - 9-Feb-11 14:56 

csa do not believe in fathers! my son has custody of his daughter who has lived with him happily for seven years now!! when my son tried to get maintenance from the mother after he got custody through the courts, he was told by the csa it was unusual for the father to have their children!! in all the seven years the mother has paid nothing!!!

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upset - 8-Feb-11 14:48 

Angry, on what you have said, go to the CSA, he is an adulterer with children who should be brought to book.

+1

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Gainsborough lad. - 24-Feb-10 19:45 

That's the trouble with these "kept" women, like "Angry" They just won't get off their asses and go to work to pay the mortgage themselves. It's little wonder he might desert you.

Gosh what a strain it must have been to have "planned" children. What a stigma a child must face in this brave new world of yours of being "unplanned" and "unloved" as a consequence.

I don't want to have to pay for yours or your husband's promiscuity, planned or otherwise. You both should have been sterilised, after two.

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I am not paying up for these p - 24-Feb-10 16:51 

My soon to be ex-husband had secretly fathered a child 10 years ago (This was during our marriage) The ex-girlfriend/mistress now gets a substantial amount from his salary every month.(15%) I am angered because I have only just found out about this affair/child and the payments. I have asked my husband to leave as the trust has gone. Now because he has moved elsewhere leaving me as the main carer of our 4 planned children, the CSA are increasing the'Mistresses' payments to 25%!! How can this be fair when he is now paying our mortgage on our 'Married' home as well as funding a small property so that our children can visit?? I would welcome any advice.

Desperate.

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Angry - 24-Feb-10 11:06 

Im sorry, I must be stupid, or neglecting to understand something, but why should you need CSA???? Do you really need that money from your partner, or could you just get a job like most people??? or maybe 2 or 3 jobs, I work 2 jobs and own my own buisness, yet I still find time and money for my family. You'll probably say 'i dont have time and I have kids to look after' but thats just a load of phooey, its simply people being lazy and not working hard for what they want. if life knocks you down, youve gotta brush it off, shut up and carry on, just like all the little boys who fell over had to do

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kiyroi - 24-Jul-09 05:17 

I am very sorry to hear that. Men OR women who are unfit parents annoy me no end...

My ex abandoned my disabled baby cos she was "too much "hastle""

But they wont want a single penny from HIM.... God forbid they would actually chase someone who does NOTHING for a sick baby even though I am her sole carer...

I think every teenager goes through the whole spoilt brat stage as I know I did and she will apprecaite you later on in life...

-1

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LINZ - 12-Jan-09 19:16 

I agree with you LEWIS, it costs £2 pounds to reclaim £1 pound or something so may as well scrap the whole thing. It should of been all about the child/ren but instead its just the Government trying to screw everyone out of money.

+1

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REAL L IFE - 2-Jul-08 19:13 

I think the thiefing CSA should stay out of it and leave it to the parents to sort out. Government debt should be obtained from other sources.

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LEWIS - 9-Jun-08 13:04 

"sympathetic" get over yourself you idiot, tell this fella to grow up, the world isnt always fair and he should deal with it! rather than blame an agency for his shortcomings!

-1

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heatedblanket - 29-May-08 23:41 

Does anybody understand why? They're your kids don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

-2

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jhrv - 18-Apr-08 02:17 

Who is the clow Judas have you any idea how this situation is?

-6

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JUSTICE - 5-Feb-08 12:42 

heatedblanket, for not being able to understand Stjudas's story, you are the buffoon

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Sympathetic. - 5-Feb-08 02:28 

I work for the gov and im telling you the CSA is a corrupt agency, whos ONLY goal is money.

+1

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nemesis - 28-Jan-08 16:56 

Lets be honest here ...really really think the ex-wives/partners should get of the big behinds and starts paying back all these debts they run up and not expect superdad to come to the rescue dont you?

+3

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justice - 28-Jan-08 12:56 

Really think the ex-wifes should get of her big behind as start working dont you.

-1

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JUSTICE - 28-Jan-08 12:42 

As a female St Judas I think it depends on how quick the CSA want to wrap up a case and close it, pat themselves on the back with a job well done....clealy this is not the case in hand!!!

Sadly your partner wants your 14 year old to grow up in a lawless society....I would take this back to court personally (Yes money is always a problem I know)

Your ex partner is not working in your childs best interest she is working in hers!

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Unta - 20-Jun-07 16:57 

Heated blanket you really need to read the story through quite clearly the poor guy has been ignored give him a break. Fathers have the right to raise there children. There is no justice in this situation.

+1

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Alison. P - 1-May-07 19:38 

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