Absent father makes no effort

What a stupid comment from Marti. If you treated him better? Does Marti know him then? It's as clear as day that there is no way you should be taking your children to him. I understand you want them to see their father, but a decent father, earning good money as well, would make the effort to see them. I split up with my daughter's father before she was born and he has never given up on her, even though I have not made it easy for him. Give him his due, he pays maintenance, he picks her up and brings her back, in spite of how I treated him Marti..
Kit, you sound like an intelligent woman and your ex and his partner are treating you like rubbish. Enough is enough. Let him come to see your children. If and when he pays, you could use some of the money to take them to him, if you want to.

if you treated him better......you would have been ok now

I know exactly what you are going through. My ex husband will not pay court ordered child support. Refuses to visit with our two minor children, and if he does visit with our children it consist of a couple of hours maybe once every six months. I have tried my level best with the Prosecutors office to make them do something about him not paying support, and nobody seems to care. He got locked up this year for non-support bonded out six days later. His bond money was suppose to go towards his back child support. Well, to make a long story short....they wont allow me to have a dime of that money. So, now I have to sue the state of Indiana.

I have a few things to comment on, the first is its your opinion if you think its necessary to work while you have children, I dont know how old they are but if you choose to be a stay at home mum, it doesnt mean you are a lazy sod, household chores and looking after your own kids is a job in itself, just unpaid.I personally think you are crazy to have took your kids to see their father when he cant make it any clearer that hes not interested and manipulating you by knowing you will feel guilty for your kids not seeing their dad if you dont take them.Any dad who wants to see their kids will make the effort no matter how far away he lives.as far as him and his partner being abusive you shoud be the one being abusive, you have 100 per cent done the right thing by not taking them to him, I wouldnt want my kids to be looked after by people who dont care about them so infact your doing your kids a favour.I hope your business takes off and think of him as out of your life and yes you could do with the money but not the hassle so good riddens.all the best x

I have just read your story and totaly understand where you are coming from , my son is 12 and I am still fighting a daliy battle with the csa for maintenance support from him .
we split when my son was just 11 months old , I am happily married again now but I still often wonder how can somone make a conscious decision planning , talking about making a baby together And when It does finaly happen It's not what they wanted after all ????????? still maybe he think 's it's all my fault we were young I was 22 he was 21 but still old enough to walk down the alter and prettend to me and my family that he was a man until he soon got fed up with restless nights and dirty nappies. my son was 2 years old when after going to contact centres and meetings all got to much for him . I mean I was the one having to use the buses and trains to get there , but he never failed to give a good excuse .My car would'nt start .........yer you have probably had exactly the same . how can they sleep at night ???? Any way take it from a pro DONT EVER give up fighting for what is moraly right for your kid's .
you sound like nice person and GOOD luck !!!!!

know exactly how you feel.my daughter is 19 month old and has never met her dad even though he lives 2 streets away,hes told me hes not interested in her and will never pay for her ive never had a penny off him, and he gets away with it cause hes self employed, he earns a decent wage bout 400 a week and him and girlfriend are committing benefit fraud as shes claiming to be a single parent and gets income support and her rent payed [HER KIDS ARE NOT HIS] and she gets maintinance off there dad. they both drive illegaily and go on holidays abroad every year while I struggle to pay my mortgage and feed and cloth my baby on my own Ive just found out from csa that shes saying he does not live there to get out of futher action.some men should never have kids.

Re: Great News for the Self Employed Absent fathers out there................

Hey, I feel sorry for you getting stiffed by your ex and the CSA like that.
I feel lucky really, I got £6 when my ex registered himself as self-employed...but now he has filed accounts I owe him. Only fair really.

But bless him, how can he afford to purchase a new plasma TV, brand new car with personalised number plate, new motorbike, £600's worth of fridge freezer if he has to contribute towards his daughter?

Ps... I love sarcasm.

I've met a similar barst**d just like you. He has not seen his child snice she was 18 months old. I've compleley cut him out of our lives for good. He denied us to the parish priest and said that my daughter wasn't his. He has not given us a penny snice she's been born, yet he spends all his time gambling on horses and in the pub. Complete morron. Me and my daughter just make do with what we can and lead a happy fun life without him, Thank God!
Walk away from this man, you and your kids deserve better. Don't worry about your kids seeing him, cause his a good for nothing piece of sh**.

Ps I dont agree with the CSA.
£5 per wk I would not go to them if I lived in a cardboard box they are useless.
A bloody insult

Well Kit you have done as much as you can. As long as you can tell your kids that you tried then your conscience is clear. I have never accepted any money from my baby's father. My view was and is I dont want it unless you want to be a proper father. I did not want a drop in person interfering and controlling over where my money goes or what I bought. If he was totally committed and wanted the best for his child he would have put effort in and tried a long time ago.
We cannot change people so dont stress just accept some people in this world are stupid idiots! The only persons whos behaviour you can change is your own!! Dont waste your energy, all kids will be let down eventually by these idiots and they will see it for themselves. Unfortunately we also must accept we cannot shield our precious little bundles from experiencing hurt and the like. Good Luck and look forward to a happy future together with mininmal disruption. Shel xxx

Great News for the Self Employed Absent fathers out there................
Dont declare all your earnings to the Inland Revenue , dont bother to contact your son of 12 years old, make out you dont earn much so the CSA saves you a fortune in child maintenance payments.......Result - Kid grows up on £5 a week........Yes that is what I receive towards feeding and clothing my son......nice to have socks eh...but sometimes indeed you need 2 pairs.... Any other mums out there with some similiar experiences, would love to hear from you and on a final note....to all the dads that are the same in this world - I hope that you can live with yourself.......

Kit, I feel for you and your children and I agree completely with the last post. My ex and I seemed to fight CONSTANTLY about him having the kids. Everything was twisted to be me making life difficult for him. Then the penny finally dropped (I am not usually so thick!) and as I said to him, basically he just didn't really want to see them that much. I used to tell him he could see our kids as much as he wanted, for as long as he wanted, as often as he wanted and yet STILL, there were problesm with access. Had he wanted them, there would just never have been any hassle.

As it is, he hasn't seen them for months. Often, especially on web sites, the response mums such as we get is that it IS our faults; that it is the hatred the ex feels for US that keeps them from their kids etc etc. And I bought into that for years; wondered how I was contributing to the "problems". it is utter BULL***. Our elder has been at the other end of the country in Uni. for a year now. Her dad spends a week every month working about 10 minutes away from where she is now living. And in her entire first year he hasn't seen her at all. He could have an adult relationship with her without ever having to get a glimpse of me or the whisper of my voice and he has not seen her once.

If these guys wanted to see their kids they would do. End of story. Do not take it upon yourself to wonder what YOU do, what you could do, or what you are doing that is wrong. They just don't want to see their kids or they would. End of.