Young, naive and trusting
12-May-2008
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Young, naive and trusting

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It riles me that all absent fathers are seen as the bad guy when there are always two sides to a story.  My husband’s ex-girlfriend dated him to win a bet she had with her friends, she already had a boyfriend and wanted a baby regardless of what she had to do to get it, such as lying about taking the pill.  These are all facts she later admitted to.

She got pregnant and when the baby was born he was forced to move into a house with her; a house which he worked nights to pay for and he was only 18 at the time.  After a year he left and was refused access to his daughter until a private agreement was made favouring his ex-girlfriend.

Three times he was refused parental responsibility because as far as his ex-girlfriend was concerned the child was hers but when she snapped her fingers he had to go running or she would deny him access.

For 10 years he paid maintenance, bought clothing, gave pocket money and money for school trips; to name but a few of the financial payouts all equating to thousands of pounds without a single argument or complaint. 

Then one day he hurt his back at work, had to give up his job and at the same time found out that I was pregnant.  When he told his ex that he did not have any money she did not even grant him the grace of a week to sort anything out before going to the CSA.

A young couple, not all absent fathers are bad, some were just naive and trusting

He is now branded as a deadbeat absent father because he doesn’t pay maintenance due to staying at home to look after our baby while I work full time to support us.  We would not be able to afford to live if we both worked due to outrageous maintenance payments, child care costs and very little governmental help.

My husband was forced into this situation and has paid for his ex's deceit while she has had an easy ride.  I’d understand it if he had been stupid and had known he was taking a risk but his only crime was to be young, naive and trusting.


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Manm what's wrong with you people ? Haven't you heard of anal sex?
*raaaa  04-Dec-2007 11:46

 
This husband of yours why didn't wear a condom? Is he such a pansy that he couldn't possibly? He seems to have been spreading his seed all over the place. He now has to face all the consequences of his pleasures. Tough.

The only people I feel sorry for in this story are the children born as a result of his weakness. What future do they face?

This man needs to be compulsorily sterilised.
*Gelder  15-Apr-2007 07:43

 
Im Sorry But Your Partner Entered This Girl And Made Her Pregnant, You Are Obviously Going To Be On Your Partners Side Fair Play To You But Its People Like You That Stop Men From Seeing There Children..
My Baby's Dad Left When He Was 3 And Half Months Old He Has No Contact And I've Had His Mother Giving Me All The You Got Pregnant To Trap Him Kinda Stuff I Never I Was With Him For 2 And Half Year Before We Found Out We Was Expecting And He Was Still With Me Till Our Child Was 3 And Half Months Old
*hueylewis  14-Apr-2007 22:16

 
We live and learn......I'm sorry to hear your story and I suspect it is very similar to a hundred others across the country. The argument on the baby issue, I believe, is all set around the fact that the woman 'carries' the child for 9 months. This it appears is sufficient to demote the father into an inferior role in the situation. The mother has the right to say if she is or is not having the child and the father has no rights at that stage. I think these situations would reduce dramatically if the father were allowed to say if they wanted the child or not as well. It is too often we hear of people using their children as weapons in the war against their ex.
I think the solution is (and this is going to be really radical and contraversial) that prior to having a child both parents must sign legal documents outlining what they agree to be the obligations and rights of each parent. Once agreed then they are forced by law to keep to them. If they cannot agree then the pregnancy should not be allowed to continue. Like I said, radical and in truth probably totally impracticle, but by god wouldn't it stop people shafting their ex-partners!
*tiredof injustice  09-Mar-2007 09:04


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