Kids have no respect for parents

I totally understand where this man is coming from because I just got out of a relationship where my son took a disliking to him because he tried to disipline him while I was working.
To make a long story short,one night while I was at work my son wound up biting him and he hit my son in self-defense! Well,nothing was done to my son but my x was taken to jail! Now I am alone and he wants nothing to do with me anymore! So the son got what he wanted! I think that the law needs to do something to the kids that think they can just run over adults and run their lives! This man was good to my kids and my daughter was heart broken! My son is seventeen.

Here's a solution:

1. Don't go to her house EVER. Meet her at your house, or the two of you can go away for the weekend.

2. Her kids are 17 and 20? If so, she may want them out of the house in 2 or three years. If you love each other, you can both wait it out until then.

The name of this thread is "Kids have no respect for their parents". A lot of the time that is true. Who is to blame ? Society ? No. The Parents. If you give your children love, attention, always be there for them ( difficult in this world ), they will love and respect you. Set boundaries, teach them morals, guide them. We have a growing cultural problem in the west in that we think we can live our lives which ever way we want to and our kids will just have to fit in - but that's when it begins to falls apart. In Japan, China (even parts of Europe) it is very different. The family unit is more sacred, more protected and respect remains. In terms of respect - there are a few people on this thread that ought to observe that also.

It is refreshing to know that we still have neanderthals like Zany Poke in the population. If corporal punishment works then explain to me why people still went to prison for heinous crimes even when corporal punishment was in place. As far as your views on women are concerned. Was it a woman who was responsible any of the below;
WW1, WW2, Gulf War, Iraq, 9-11, London Bombings
No it was not, it was neanderthal men and religion.

Lets eradicate the two from power and world domination and we will then be able to live in a peaceful, civilised society.

Hello Lost Lover and all those that read this page.

I am a Children’s Mental Health Clinician. Does this mean I am an expert? NO! Every situation is different.
Speaking of boundaries as many people have already commented on. I would suggest it is time for you to evaluate what it is you consider to be your own boundaries. You are at a disadvantage when you come into her home where it sounds like chaos is the norm for many years on end. You have your rights as an American. As in you do not have to endure any physical abuse by law. You can call the cops on her if she strikes you. Just as they can call them on you. Be certain with yourself on what it is you will allow a child (or adult) to say or behave around you! The more you allow, the more they push onward with the destructiveness. For their goal is to get you out of the scene.
There are two different ways to go about this different dilemma. To build and maintain the boundaries that you would prefer in their home will have to start with you building rapport with the child. It would be something that is not going to come natural for you. You are going to have to fake it until you make it. Try to take the daughter out to experience what it is she enjoys. Then once you build “any” rapport you can try and start field testing them in your environment (your home). The standards in your home are going to be yours as agreed upon and compromised on with your partner. Build the success in your environment and then start using these techniques and standards back to their own environment.
Bottom line is if you want to remain with this particular woman it is your best interest to have a positive and healthy relationship with her kids. If you just separate her from the problem and think it will go away. Bad news. Never works.

You've been in a relationship with this woman for eight months. Her daughters have been in a relationship with her for 17 and 20 YEARS resepectively. You don't think maybe they're going to feel hurt and jealous about the new outsider? You don't think maybe they have any right to feel that way? Might I respectfully suggest, of COURSE they are going to feel that way and you, who I would imagine considerably older than they, are clearly feeling EAXCTLY the same way. You want to be the most important person in your partner's life and hey BIG surprise, so do they!

If you carry on pontificating this nonsense, all you will do is put your partner under the incredible strain of feeling torn apart between you all. Her children are going to come first with her. That's natural. Do you have any of your own or are you just one of those off-the cuff kind of "experts" who always knows a better way? I think you need to try some step parenting web sites and books, since you seem to lack the basic insight and empathy that would allow you to consider these girls' feelings off your own back.

Then I suggest you actual are a "partner" and sit down with your lady and try and work out ways in which you can begin to make friends with these girls. Since you will no doubt have made it abundantly clear to them exactly what you think of them, I would imagine you have an up-hill struggle. But do please try to remember. These girls are more or less adults. And YOU are the intruder in THEIR home. If some guy was hanging around in MY home that I hadn't invited, I don't think I'd be very mannerly either. Maybe try making your peace with them, asking THEM if it's OK for you to come round and asking them how often they can cope with you being in their home while you work to get to know them better? Kind of in a mannerly sort of way?!
rp

That's just how my brother is. My parents never say no to him. All because they think he is ill and needs rest+whatever he wants. But all he is is a fat couch potato who munches on potato chips, soda and junk food all day while rotting in front of a computer. My parents often treat him better than me. Trust me they do. Even school staff members noticed. Usually when my brother insults me or hits me, my parents just sit there and watch. But when I insult him for being mean to me, my parents repeatedly bring up that incident over and over again. It's been months and they are still rubbing it into my face. And my parents buy him whatever he wants. I never get that privilege.
There is no reason to spoil a child. Illness is no reason to not punish. Cuteness is no reason not to punish. And pity is no reason to not punish so I agree with you.

I don't know if this helps but it is not uncommon for children who have witnessed verbal and/or physical abuse towards their mother to be abusive towards her as well. Perhaps their father (or previous partner) abused the mother and taught the children this behavior.

In a divorce situation, children are stressed and some are taught that this is an exceptable outlet for their anger. It is very dysfunctional and sad. Sometimes it takes an outsider to come in and point out that something is wrong with the picture.

You're right. This is wrong. I'm sorry that you have to endure this. With children this age, the best bet would be to ask her to see a counselor to support her and remind her that her primary responsiblity now is towards herself.

I hope this helps.

Zany poke: I was with you all the way until you started blaming women for the evils of modern society. That is neither fair nor true. But up to that point was great!

We baby-boomers are the first generation in 20,000 years of modern human history who have not --

-- spanked their kids.

That's right, instead of smacking our kids on the head or in the mouth, or giving them a good woopin' on the behind with a stick or the electric extension cord (my Mom's favourite back in the 1960s) ...

... we nurture. We discuss. We engender. We commiserate. We explain. We implore. We …

… are WIMPS !!!!!!!

What the eff?? What is wrong with us? Us baby-boomers and hippies and flower-power children. Where did we go wrong? Why are we such idiots when it comes to our kids! Instead of smiling we should be smacking.

Look at the animal kingdom: do Mother lions "discuss issues" with their lion cubs? No, they smack them upside the head with their paws!

We are today suffering from almost 40 years of FEMINISM.


Yes, I blame it on women. In particular, I blame it on artificially allowing women a role in society equal to that of men ----- when Judaism and Islam both teach us this is wrong.

We baby-boomers are the first generation in 20,000 years of modern human history who have not --

-- spanked their kids.

That's right, instead of smacking our kids on the head or in the mouth, or giving them a good woopin' on the behind with a stick or the electric extension cord (my Mom's favourite back in the 1960s) ...

... we nurture. We discuss. We engender. We commiserate. We explain. We implore. We …

… are WIMPS !!!!!!!

What the eff?? What is wrong with us? Us baby-boomers and hippies and flower-power children. Where did we go wrong? Why are we such idiots when it comes to our kids! Instead of smiling we should be smacking.

Look at the animal kingdom: do Mother lions "discuss issues" with their lion cubs? No, they smack them upside the head with their paws!

We are today suffering from almost 40 years of FEMINISM.


Yes, I blame it on women. In particular, I blame it on artificially allowing women a role in society equal to that of men ----- when Judaism and Islam both teach us this is wrong.

In my opinion that family has a set dynamic to the way that they communicate with one another. You are right when you say that you are a loser no matter what you say. They sound like they should be in Family Counseling to learn how they reached this level of dysfunction adn how to work out their issues. It has nothing to do with you personally. BTW, you should also go into counseling to help you deal with it all also.