Men and relationships

Women are generally only interested in money and power. Have your way with them and dump 'em. Let the state bring up any babies that result. If the woman starts getting "psychological" leave immediately. If they start thinking that they are your mother, get out fast.

Hi, I just can't help but respond to your issue. I am a 40 yr old mother of 3 who has been married to a very similar man. We had a similar marriage in the beginning. We were married but we weren't a married couple if you know what I mean. He didn't seem to behave like a husband. He was very successful and provided well for us, cared for his son but our relationship never evolved. My life with him has been one contradiction after another. I recently found out that he's been involved with another woman for the past 8 years, met her while we were seperated. Nice! My husband played nice to me, loved me from a distance (helped clean the house, watch the kids) but never got close to me, never was in my life. I lived in his life, served a purpose for him. I am now in therapy and strongly urge you to watch for the signs. This is beyond commitment phobic, these men don't love people they love what they get from people. My best advice for you would be to hold onto your independence, keep your friends and family close and wait to get married and have children. Can these men change? Well now that my husband is 41, losing his hair, overweight, lost his girlfriend when I found out, has more to lose with three kids, feels like crap because I suffered a nervous breakdown he seems to be trying to change, trying to get close. But the real change occured in me. I am now commitment phobic, can't trust, and if he really does change it may make no difference now. Good luck to you and remember, hold on to yourself it's a bumpy ride if you chose to stay with a man like this.

Men like that are just hankering after a mother figure. Always there to love them whatever they do. He needs to wake up and grow up or find a woman who has problems too. Like seeks like but you seem far more advanced than him.
believe me, I've been out with commitment phobes and they never make you happy. Get a cat/dog instead and see your friends. You don't need a bloke like that. It's a no-win situation until you do something about it.
At least you're not the first woman to have a relationship like this but as I said make yourself happy and if all else fails, eat loads of chocolate.

Chiefs Fan, are you going out with my ex? :)

Sorry, joking aside, I have to tell you something that you are probably not going to want to hear. He will NOT change. The reason he is acting like this is that deep down he is insecure. He sleeps with other women because this boosts his ego. When you split up this plays on his insecurity and makes him upset, hence he cannot feel comfortable until he has you back. When you're bacl, he is comfortable again, and return to boosting his ego. People who act in this way have fundamental issues and you CANNOT change him. This isn't someone who made one mistake, this is someone with real issues. Now he sees you with someone else and cannot handle that - you are valauble because you are no longer his. When he has you back you will lose that. This isn't to say that he doesn't love you - I would guess that he does love you and cannot handle that, hence the other women to give him security - but he will not change. If you can't handle the infidelity (and why should you have to?) stay away.

It may be that your new guy is not the right one for you. Give it a fair go, sometimes love comes with time, it doesn't always have to be the grand romance you had with your ex. He certainly sounds like he cares for and respects you, and deserves a chance to make things work. If you do decide that it will not work out, then break it off, find someone else more compatible with you - but do NOT go back to your ex. Can you honestly say the times when you feel good with him outweigh the times when you feel completely awful?

Good luck!

"Er inDoors" if I may ask, have you ever tried leaving him? Perhaps that will sit him up if he really loves you and cherishes your marriage. I think it will make him see that he cannot take you for granted at all times. On the other hand, if you do threaten to leave, and he allows you to, then he probably doesn't love you anymore. He is probably seeing someone else!!!

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 yrs going to 6 years. During those 5 years this relationship was a roller coaster, I caught him cheating more than 6 times, we separatd all those time and we ended up together. He would cry his heart out and me being the person that I am I would forgive him. I took care of this man,treated him like a king but he always find a way to cheat on me & break my heart.This is really put in a postion where I really didnt care about my life, as long as I was with him I was happy until he gave me an STD which woke me . I got tired of him, this year I decided I just had enough and decided to move out. I met someone else that I have known for more than 4 years, he is the homest , kind and treats me so well. The problem is that my ex-boyfriend now will not let me go, he even knows where I live, he drives by to check on me.He even came to my house one time trying to start drama with my boyfrien now. The only problem is that he is now living with good friends of mine and they tell me that he is tying so hard to change,I end calling him which im not suppose to do. I know that I can never trust but Im so in love him that its even making me sick.When we first got together with my new boyfriend I really liked him alot but now Im having doubts if I really love him but I trust him with my life.MY ex-boyfriend is moving to a different state and he wants me to join him. I dont know what to do, I love my ex-boyfrien and want to give the relation ship a try but I dont trust him on the other hand I trust my current boyfriend but im not in love with him and I dont know if I will love him the way he deserves to be loved. Im so sad, what is the best way to forget about the past and move on with my current boyfriend? confused & sick!!!MO state

Ive been with ny husband for ten years,during the first two years he couldnt get enough of me.We would have sex atleast three times aday at any given time,even when we had company we would dissapear into the nearest bathroom.It was so exciting and welcoming.We have since got married and before we did the sex took second place to day to day chores.When we do make love or have have hardcore sex the feelings are just the same,but more predictable.when your with someone you give yourself to that person and relationship,your priorities change and certain things seem less important,Its normal in a long term relationship,to have less physical contact.Your relationship,understanding and respect of each other grows,not goes with the quantity of sex.

hi can some one please give me adivice on trust. Ive been married for 6yrs and just latly things have gone really sour. Im finding it realy hard to trust my husband.
he does not show affection or reasure me that I am the only one that he wants. Like all men he does look at other women and when he's had a drink he can be either realy loving to me or flirt with other women. he wont go to a marriage councilor or talk to any one about the problems we have, its been going on long enough now and driving me insane. can any one give me adivice please. fee

Well "Er Indoors" if I can help, sure it's an offer. If I can't then I can put you in touch with some other very compassionate, helpful people. Only if you want that of course. And Dimo is my real name! You can email here - xilifus@aol.com

Was that an offer 'Dimo'????
Michael Caine - maybe not such a pain after all (we have crossed swords on other pages, when I was using another tag) - you can be rather nice/funny when you want to be, eh?
Attila - like minded woman! All WILL change when I fully recover from my surgery, at least on my part.
Ted - I was/am his secretary, and we were both single when we first met (I wasn't his secretary then), so quit talking out of your a**.
Joe - yes he is at work when he says he is, many people could clarify if I wanted to check up on him, though I do not feel the need, thank you very much. And NO, I'm far from wanting everything my own way, rather equality, consideration and a little time, rather than being 'er in doors'. Still, they do say 'behind every successful man there is a woman', what they fail to mention is that the woman is generally feeling flaming lonely and miserable because her old man is working ALL the time.
Monkey - yes, you guys do put up with a load of crap without complaint, you just run away to work, or get drunk, have affairs or bury your heads in the sand over it, rather than talk to your partners and find a solution to the problem. Yes, women can/most certainly do this too, but NOT my way I'm afraid.
If/when I have/gone out with friends/family in the past, he tells me that he would have liked to have come with me and that he's missed me which make me feel guilty for being away from him, and when he's at work he tells me that he would rather be at home, though is more at work than with me. Just do not understand his logic, especially as there is no real money in the work he does, and most of the time we are living 'hand to mouth'.

Attila - you are prob right about him being toooo comfortable in this relationship, he could talk his way into/out of anything - being as he IS a counsellor (Dimo - thanks for the suggestion, but talking to him doesn't work).
As far as me going to sleep and him 'slipping me a length' (monkey on back), maybe, if the men that did this kind of thing were more imaginative in the bedroom - us girls WOULDN'T fall asleep in the first place, eh, and I am sure you are a tender, loving caring person with your partner too!

WOW!
I got that feeling where I've heard somthing before (yawn)......
1. Life is difficult.
2. It's also difficult for your partner too.
3. Ask yourself 'Why does he have to slip you a length while I'm asleep?'

As soon as you come to terms with some of these answers you can move forward.

Men are soldier's who wade through the knee high daily crap that life throw's at us, we battle on without hesitation or complaint.
Why?.............because we love you and are just getting on with loving you! we know nothing of this imaginary higher dimension of being that you women selfishly aspire to! ........sorry. did I just go off on one there?