Weekend dad can't be bothered

My Son is 9 years old and his dad and I split when he was 4. For 2 and half years we did not see him, even though I wrote him letters to his mums house, begging for him to see his son. My son just broke inside back then and still is.
On day 2 years ago I bumped into his dad, he ran away from me at first, but I chased him and his girl friend and new child until they stopped to talk to me. I told him that his son still cried every night and he should grow up and still see him.
So he did, he came every weekened. Then just over a year ago we moved 180 miles away as it was a better life for all of us. His dad started off really good ringing him, but he lies so much and makes many excuses which my son excepts.
I just had a txt bicker with his girlfriend who says it is nothing to with her, but I reminded her that my son is her sons brother and it has everything to do with her. She wont allow him to come and stay so he does 8 hours driving when he does come to get his son.
My sons heart is breaking and I am getting angry and there is nothing I can do except let him hurt my son.
I just hate this, I want my son to be the happy boy he used to be and not the crying, upset angry boy he is now!! I wish I had never bumped into him that day!!!

My daughter is four years old and my child father showed up after four years. He got court papers for contempt for child support and convenantly just showed up and is insistanting he wants to see her. I kinda feel its all because of court. Should I let him see or will this turn out bad if he gets locked up for none payment. Then he wont be around again and also I will see what hes really doing this for.

Siobhan, I totally disagree with your 'f--k the dads' attitude. This attitude affects kids negatively. Today, majority of the gun totting children are from single parents.( mostly mothers). Do not f--k a man out of his child's life. True you may have had the child without his full consent , but if he wants to play a part, let him do so. Your boy will not be seen being paraded on Crimewatch for shooting another teenager.
Women its time to stop having all the unwanted babies for men who do not want you.
Sex does not mean 'I Love You'. Get married properly and have children. If it ends in divorce, there is still something for the children to hold on to in terms of self esteem( At least, their parents were married).
Get real and flush the system of unwanted truants, car jackers, mobile phone muggers and teenage murderers.

Its such a pity that some of us have to end up like this. I didnt get a penny from the father of my two children when we divorced. The children were given to him at the time because I was still a student and very young. Everytime I visited my children, he beat me up and broke my arm or my lip.
And my children looked like walking skeletons.
So I decided to take them away.
I lived with them for over 11 years alone.
Now that they are graduates, he has resurfaced.
But guess what? The kids are more than happy to see their dad. So I have decided to allow them. Luckily I have remarried, so I have been given a reward by God.

I 'll suggest you talk to him about it- the need to leave work early on Friday. Or he should pay the child minder to keep her for an hour longer so that he can pick her up from there. I know its hard but you just have to do it.

If you moan so much about him, why don't you let him have the child one week on and one week off? That way, you will incur less cost, and have less running around to do, and if the child is sick he will have to be responsible. I suggest a woman like you probably fought hard through the courts for full residency, full parental rights, and you have excluded him from much decision making, effectivly reducing his role to that of 'cash cow' and sperm donor. Am I right or wrong? and you probably did all of this 'In the best interests of the child' No wonder most dads get fed up after a time with controlling ex wives who just want the cash, and use the children in their own perverse way to spite the fathers. I for one have had enough of the abuse from the ex and I am about to move to the USA, and start again from fresh. Yes the children will be the loosers, but in the long run they will be spared the complaints from their mother. If you are worried about maintence - he is not cheating you - he is cheating the child! so why are you concerend? Why do you judge? Does the Lord not write in 1 Timothy 5:8 " If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immidiate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliver" So why do you judge? Why do you seek revenge? Be thankful for your time with your child, collect your child from the minder for the child, and not for the father, and seek to encourage his role in parenting and decision making. You would be suprised at the outcome. God Bless You and your child.

Regardless. I think all this single mother and absent father business is getting out of hand. Listen girls. Be strong, Fu** him out the door for good. Have no contact with him, if you can,.. and compleley avoid him. No mother should worry whether the child see's their absent father or not. If he was a proper decent man/father he will come and support his child and make every effort to see his child or children. These men have been getting away with it for far too long. We must make a stand. As for MS. (Pacioma) I'd tell that man to get on his bike. Who does he think he is turning up after 5 1/2 years to see his child, and still continues not to give money? If you want my opinion, you've managed fine without him for this long, He only provided the spem, you did the rest. You and you daughter deserve better, get rid of him. Your daughter doesn't need to know her father.
And for all single mothers stuggling out there, isn't life sh**.

Echoes Gia. Should make you see what is important here.

With the exception of a violent or abusive ex, I see no reason for you to keep your child away.
You are putting your self first in this! - It doesn't matter to your child if her father hasn't enough money - it only matters that she sees him...

The ins and outs are mainly irrelevant, but you can make it clear to him that he must be responsible for 50% of fridays, or contact CSA and also get court mediation if it comes to it..

Sort it out, and don't be bitter please - there is someone more important than both of you in the middle of all this.

My daughter has not seen her father because when he found out I was pregnant he left us and now 5 in 1/2 years later he has come back.. my daughter has my last name and I have attended all her expenses. I have let her seen her father about three times but she doesn't want to see him anymore she says hes not fun, and he doesn't help me with expenses or anything... he call about once a month to see her. So my question is,"Can he take my daughter Jasmine away from me? If we would go to court would he win.. the right to take my daughter away from me..or to see her after this 5 years...and my daughter doesn't even want to see him. Give me an advice to help me!!!

Dear MyChildMyWorld. Your ex is evil. Not at least she has a dad at all. He sounds like an absolute b'tard

Its not fair. But...........your daughter will love you all the more when she grows up for trying to help make her father a part of her life..............it will just be one of the many things im sure that she will see in you that shows her what a good mother you are.

Phillip, are fathers an emotional mess because the family is broken, or is the family broken because the father is a mess? I know which applied to MY ex. It's the old chicken-egg scenario I think - with guys, as ever, very keen to shift the blame for their own failings, onto the mother. Tell me this. Why is it that dads get to view parenthood as somehow optional depending on how tricky they happen to find it, yet mums, who have the stress of dealing with their children 24/7, whilst often in severe financial difficulties, whilst dealing with sleepless nights, sick kids, etc. etc. for THEM, it's always compulsory?

Maybe if more absent dads started to ask themselves just how it feels to be single parents, questioned their OWN motives and just where a mum drags up her constant emotional reserves from (especially when ground down by constant power struggles with HIM) and started to think they had something to THANK the mothers of their children for for raising their kids 24/7, they might feel more inclined to pitch up and do their job.

I am single mother of 2 little boys where I was married...it has been an emotional roller coaster my ex constantly breaks promises to our children he tells them he is going to pick them up and 2 hours later my children are still waiting for him.I am constantly picking up the pieces from his messes and I am tired of it. I am tired of being belittled by his family everywhere I go and dealing with the constant humiliation of knowing that they will go to any extremes to make me look bad to my children when he indeed was the one that chose to ruin our relationship..I am so torn in this situation. I of course want my ex to be in childrens lives but the hurt he causes them is unbearable and as a mother I can not stand back and watch the pain they endure from him..its not fair and its not their fault that he is irresposible and he is a victim to the streets...anybody with advice please respond?? saddend mother with no where to turn???