My children live with their dad

I agree with you...thanks for your post....life happens and for some of us the choices we made regarding our children were in THEIR BEST INTEREST....selfishness would have been easier but THEIR life COULD have been affected adversely. Adverse affects may or may not have been the case, but the decision(s) we believed to be the best decision. This heartwrenching decision could cost any type of relationship with your child(ren) and unfortunately that is a risk. I hope and PRAY that someday they take the time to talk to their parent me with an open heart and open mind enough to develop some type of relationship or even a friendship so that the incomplete feelings will go away for both the child and parent. This may or may not come to pass, but as long as the parent truly in their heart only did what was best for their child, the consequences will be worth it.

I think their mum or dad should get to gether, so it will be much easier .So basically say, if you had a kid who gets up early in the morring you could take it in turns. Because my mum and dad do it all the time.

thank you lots.

I only have my mums grave to put flowers on for mothers day, my heart nearly broke yesterday, not for me, but for my neighbours 5yr old grandaughter who I met in the cemetary. They'd took her to put flowers on the grave of her 22yr old mother who'd very recently commited suicide.How the hell is a kid meant to understand that?? I don't think i'll forget that little girl on her bike shouting 'grandma,grandma we forgot mammys love heart, we must get the love heart' be grateful for what you all have, whoever they live with.

I would just like to add yesterday was mother's day, for all those mums that got a card that was special. But for all those that did not receive, my thoughts are with them.

I hope this doesnt get any ones back up, but I cant agree with some letters on here because how can any mother just walk away from their child.ok yes, if the children chooses to live with their dad when they get older thats understanable, or if theres a medical reason, safety issue etc.but I dont understand when a relationship breaks down how the child gets left along with the partner. I have been in a violent relationship for 5 years where my partner would not leave even though the house was mine, we had a 2 yr old at the time and he would have had to kill me before I would have left without my daughter.also if these men are so bad for you to have to get out in such a rush with no accomodation to go to why do you leave your children wih them?after I left I finally managed to get him out of my house after staying with my mum for 6 mths and having to share a box room with my teenage sister and my daughter.we went through the courts after I let him have contact twice,my mistake, but he was drunk while looking after her, and after a few pathetic attempts of letter writing and being assessed by the court he didnt even turn up on the actual day, my daughter is now 9 and hasnt seen him since she was 2, this was not the person I would ever leave my child with not even for a couple of hours let alone permanantly.so I just dont get it, a friend of mine was in a similar situation to me but had 3 children and she ended up going into a hostel until the house was sold and she sorted herself out, so im sorry but the reason for leaving your child behind because you had no where to go just dont wash, as there are centres/hostels who cater for women that have chosen to get away taking their children also.I dont want to upset anyone and realise every situation is different,I just know wherever I am my kids will be with me no matter how tough things are.

I have not seen my little girl since she was a baby, and she is now a fabulous and lively four year old. I miss her so very much, but thankfully I do get to speak to her on the phone once a week. I also sometimes get sent photos of her and occasionally a video. I manage (with great difficulty) to get through each day, but I still feel so incomplete. I can only liken my feelings to be the same as grief, and the sense of 'longing' makes me feel constantly empty. I know that I am like some of the others mothers on these pages because I try to stay strong and hopeful about the future. I am determined that my daughter will be proud of me and that she knows how I always kept her as my focus. I have lost time with her that I can never get back but I carry her with me in whatever I do. I am making an application to the family court in an attempt to change our current situation. However, at the same time we also have to explain to my daughter the reason we were seperated in the first place. It is important to me that my daughter does not become confused, or even worse blame herself..If anyone as any advice on how I could tell my daughter (in an age appropriate way) I would be very grateful to your advice.

When I found this site, I was so happy to learn there was some sort of support for mothers enduring the awful pain of being without there children. My name is Shawnte', I will be 31 next month and my baby girl has never lived with me. She is 5, I have not seen her in about a year. I cannot begin to describe the pain that I feel. The most embarassing thing for me is seeing people in public who know I have a child. Because of my situation, an aspect of my life has been one big lie. I make up excuses as to why I never take her to functions or events at work or school that include children. I feel like such a failure sometime. Recently I have tried to reach out to my daughter to spend time with her over the holidays. Unfortunately she did not want to see me, I have the feeling that her father and his family has turned her against me because of a choice that I made. When I read the different comments from all of the mothers like me, I just wanted to hug you all. What type of sick twisted world do we live in where a mother is puniched for wnating a better life for her family? We are being punished because we chose to work and attempt to build a solid foundation for our kids. My prayer is that we all reunite with our children. Even though the fathers may being doing what they are supposed to, every child young or old needs their mama. Why do me get praised for taking care of their children, it's what they are supposed to do. They should not receive an extra reward. But when a woman says,"My children live with their father", she's damned to hell. My prayers go out to all the mothers and their babies. Peace and Blessings- shawntesanders1@hotmail.com

I agree that it doesn't make you a bad mother to not live with your kids. Sometimes its in the best interest of the children.

I am a father who has full custody of my daughter. I've had her since her mother walked out a few months after she was born (she was still on maternity and I was left with an infant - so had to sort out childcare, house payments, bills, etc). She decided she wasn't maternal and didn't want to be with me. We divorced and she willingly gave me full custody legally. She hardly saw her at first, but now she sees her every other weekend and they have slowly built up a relationship over the years. I am remarried to a wonderful woman who has been a caring stepmother since my daughter was one and encourages my daughter to have contact with her mother. My daughter has a secure, comfortable home with a two parent household. Its just not with her mother.

Every family is different for different reasons and circumstances that work for one may not work for another. I would never look down on the parent that doesn't have custody of their children. My ex-wife was not cut out to be a mother - she hasn't had any kids since - and I love being a father.

by the way my email is fiona.clarkson@hotmail.co.uk if anyone feels like they want to chat, would be nice to get to know some mums who are living with this pain as I am - but please dont email if you are going to be abusive or tell me what a bad mum I am - its hard enough every day without all that.

I left my kids (aged 3 and 6 now) with their Dad as I felt that just because I didnt love him anymore didnt mean he was a bad person and shouldnt lose his children as well as his wife.
After a nightmare divorce we sorted things out so I could see the girls every weekend and it worked until I was sexually assaulted by someone and had a breakdown, I asked for 6 months to get my head together without seeing the chiildren, I felt I couldnt cope with looking after them, I was crying all the time, short tempered and self harming and didnt want my children witnessing that. He said 'walk away now and stay away for good' that was 9 months ago and he's got a court order suspending all contact so I cant even send a card to my children on their birthdays, and Im too frightened to fight him in court as he makes my life unbearable, I took an overdose the last time around. I deal with the judgement of other women - they look at me like Im the devil incarnate and tell me nothing would stop them seeing their kids etc etc. I just say walk a mile in my shoes before you tell me you would have done things differently.
I just live day by day waiting until they get to 16 and the court order becomes invalid - as soon as they get to 16 Im writing to them with my address and I hope they will want to meet me. Until then Im living a half life, I try to be happy and live life normally but everytime I laugh or have fun Ive got a little voice in my head saying 'you shouldnt be enjoying yourself you dont see your kids' its hell.

I would most certainly welcome being able to discuss the situation I have gone thru. It's like soemthing out of an ongoing saga and half the time I cannot believe I am living it. It's also very comforting (in an odd sort of way) to know I am not alone and can hopefully gain some insight from those who have survived the same or worse.

Hello, to all those mums that are struggling to come to terms with being apart from there children, for what ever reason. I myself have been apart from my 2 children for 3 years now, and I find it difficult each day to come to terms with day to day life. I do have a wonderful new partner and am very happy together.

I have been browsing the net this evening and have not found any website that gives help and support for women like myself. I am sure that are many women like myself, that just need to know that they have in no means failed in motherhood. I would like to share comments with mums such as myself.

Thank you for taking time to read my thoughts.