My children live with their father

My ex partner an I split up after 5 years together our daughter was 3, I was at university.we mutually agreed it was best for her to live with her father as I didnt want to take her away from everything she knew schooling ect, . I wanted to complete my course at uni for her to be proud of me. I had regular contact and saw her most weekends everything was fine untill about 5 years later when he meet his now wife he wouldn't speak to me and supprise surprise my daughter had the same approach! She is now 11 and has been telling me since she was 9 that she wants nothing to do with me! She wont even contact my mother!!

i'm so glad i am not alone.

when my marriage came to an end, i was at a real low. we had been together for a very long time, but after i had my second child, i realised i didnt love my hubbie as i should, mainly because i was still in love with a man i had dated years before, but i had lost contact with.

i managed to swallow my feelings for years and years, but i ran into the man i knew i loved and it turned out he felt the same.

i made plans to leave. i spirited money away for a deposit on a home for me and my kids. i had no plans of leaving to go to this other man. we had decided that we would stay friends until the time was right to come out as a couple.

anyway, somehow, the hubby of the time, found out about our friendship before i had time to save what i needed and find somewhere.

needless to say it all came to a head. i begged him to go, he wouldnt. he used my depression against me (although i havent suffered or needed medication since the split). he said i was a bad parent as i had gone against my marriage vows. he used every insecurity he knew i had and made me feel lower than low and thoroughly worthless.

i had no choice but to leave. stay with friends and leave my kids with the father.

yes i moved in with the man i loved, but not as a couple, but because it was a place to stay.

now 3 years on, we as a couple are happier than we ever thought we could be but my kids are still with the father. i have them as often as he will allow, and yes he uses them against me as much as he can.

i have taken a lot of abuse from people. it kills me not to have my kids and i want them with me desperately. i would give anything to have them. my daughter wanted to move in 18 months ago, but he wouldnt let her, even though she is now at the age where its her choice.

at the time, i did what i thought was right, but i knew it wouldnt be easy.

women that leave without the kids, dont do it because they are bad mothers, or dont love their kids. in my case, i had no choice. well i did. leave and be sane and happy, or stay and live miserably, on pills, suicidal on a regular basis from living with a control freak that didnt want me happy.

Hi Olive, thank you for sharing that, my son went to live with his father when he was five, he's twelve now, and like you i've had days that i've thought I made the right discision but i've gotta say it still hurts and its a really deep hurt. Please dont think im feeeling sorry for myself, I am relieved my son is happy with his fathers new family. But I just cant move on. ive spoke to professionals but they really don't understand! to be a good mam I need to sort my head out. I dont know what to do ive carried this for so long.

Hi there... I'm a live away Mom. My son is 11 yrs old and has lived with his dad since he was 3. For 8 years I've been working on the various feelings that come from being a live away mom, from having made the sensible, best choice at the time... and feeling good and at peace with my decision to having days or moments when I'm tormented and feeling like I made the hugest mistake ever and regretting my initial decision. My son in 11 and he is established in his school, neighborhood and community ( I live in another city, 1 hr away) and all I want is for him to come live with me. At the end of the day tho, I know this is about feeding my needs and my ego, not necessarily whats best for him, so I let it go, and do what I can to enjoy my time with him on weekends and during my extended visits through the summer. Anyway, I was just searching for more women who are in similar situations because it is a hard thing to deal with... other peoples lack of understanding and their judgement. Thanks for your article.

worry not what others think - if they think like that then their opinion isn't worth it anyway :)

my ex brought up his 3 girls, pretty similar situ to yours = end of the day they are all grown up and well adjusted and have a great relationship with their father AND their mother. whats right for some isn't always right for others. It's just that people are too shallow and think what they think must be so....all the best to you and yours.

Thank you Lindy for your kind comment, it's nice that there's people out there that understand x

I am a mum too two boys aged 14 and 12 nearly after two years of living with my estranged husband I left and moved 200 mile away with my boys but my eldest boy missed his hometwon so much he went back to live with his dad every day it hurts me to know I cant see him we have phone contact as much is possible and I am now fighting tooth and nail for my ex to sell the property so that I can provide for our youngest son and wondered if anyone has a success story to tell as my stress levels are going mad

I fully sympathise with you, people will always make assumptions without knowing all the facts. and I bet you are a wonderful mum

Dear Backing Good Dads, Faith here, I wanted you to hear my story after I read your last comment, I typed all my thoughts and feelings about my situation just so you could understand that all dads are not good. but my story is too long. People say there is two sides to every story in my case theres not. Ive just took my son back after spending a week together and the aching feeling is.. I cant begin to describe it. I love my son I am good mam the only thing i'm guilty of is getting involved with an evil, heartless, spineless man who ripped my heart out by taking away my baby, my son, my life, I will never ever get over this. Infront of my son I stay strong and give him love. People are very cruel

'you have no clue' thats a very childish responce towards your dad. Maybe he did bad at the time but he kept a roof over your head, fed you, clothed you, cared for you and you stamp your feet because your mother for whatever reason left the country! You should be more greatfull.

Backing Good Dads, learn how to read. Noone is saying that a good dad shouldn't have custody of his kids if the mother has abondoned them. Most people who posted here are loving mothers who are seperated from their kids, mainly after divorce due to reallocation or other problems. They are pointing out their suffering and grief while they miss their kids daily and to top it all have to deal with insensitve people whose only concern seems to be 'stabiliy, security and support'. How about adding unconditional love to your list? The type of love that only a good mother can give? Noone is implying that kids do not need 'stability, security and support' at all. They do, and good mothers who are seperated from their kids should instead of being judged, be offered support so they are able to provide this for their children. They certainly do not need our criticism.

I have an idea.How aboutyou dads give birth to your own kiddos? Lettus see you deal with postnatal depresion. Then u can have your say in the mater or at least you might come up wit a valid argument wich actualy makes sens. Btw stop with the women generalisng.Tx.

fathers are treated like baby sitters too often, you can't possibly think it's o.k to take a break from your children, why should they come back when your 'better'? too many mums assume childrens right place is with mother, the childs right place is with who consistantly puts theneed of that child first. stability, security and support is what kids need to develop not someone that can dropthem everytime things get stressful.

It annoys me that mums have to ask other 'so called mums or dads' not to judge them for living without their kids. In today's unfeeling society it's becoming more and more common for dads to decide to play God as one of you described below, and attempt to play the role of both parents if finances permit. Look at it this way..what better way to attract loads of sympathy and women than by playing the victim..the poor dad left by his wife, who also heartlessly abondoned the kids in the process. It's usually enough to make your wife's life a living hell, make sure she leaves the family home and then promptly sue her for abondonment, adultary and whatever else your lawyer gets into his or her head. Moreover family courts (shame on them) insist on maintaining that keeping kids in their state or birth country and family home is more beneficial than developing a healthy relationship with their mums, who might have been forced to leave due to various reasons. And people don't dare bring up ** such as that a mum who loves her kids would never leave...Get it into your heads that different circumstances force one to act in different ways so deal with it. If we all get together and support good mums who are seperated from their kids, instead of judging them, then maybe we can actually contribute towards changing some of the stupid laws regarding child custody.

comment about my kids live with there father. my son also lives with his father and ever since that day I have felt destroyed and even though its six years later and I have regular contact I know I will never get over the painful emotions I have inside so the disaprovel looks and negative remarks from other mothers saying I would never give up my child are ignorant as they dont know the full story. Please people think before you pass judgement

I am 17 and the product of divorced parents. My mother left my brother and I when I was 3.She had to move countries after the divorce for mainly financial reasons, so the great legal system we have decided that children should ALWAYS remain in their natural environment and AWLAYS remain with their other siblings (never mind that I needed my mum and wasn't even in school yet, while my brother was already settled in at school and had a social life he didn't want to lose). So because of the so called great legal system I was forced to live without my mum (I am a guy btw so I don't know exactly how mums feel but I can imagine). Do I resent it? Yes I do. My mother is the best mother one could possibly hope for and I'll happily smack anyone who dares say otherwise. My dad is a great dad, but he could never give me the emotional support I get from my mum whenever I go on visitations. And that's the whole problem here. when mum and dad divorced, dad was too busy trying to punish my mum for having to leave the country, for having a job elsewhere, for eventually having a new partner, so he decided to play God, believing he could be both mum and dad. The system supported him and that has always been his lame excuse. 'I didn't think I was doing wrong. I was advised otherwise...blah blah blah.' Did it work? No it didn't. It all collapsed once I was old enough to work out what happened. Do I forgive my dad? No I don't. He should have had the common sense which a lot seem to lack lately of realising that kids need their mums first and foremost, unless of course that mother can cause harm to her children, which wasn't the case here. It's about bloody time people stood up for mothers who are seperated from their children, and I a guy of 17 have no fear to do just that.

I am living with my new partner after being married for 15 years. I have 3 children aged 13, 10 and 9 who all live with their dad. The youngest does spend time with us but the other two won't see me unless I am on my own without my new partner. This is not ideal. My eldest will now not even talk to me as his father encourages them to not see me and my partner together. I split with my husband over 6 months ago and I am finding it very frustrating not being able to see my kids as I was the primary carer while we were together, my husband never lifted a finger. It is so heartbreaking as I love my kids more than life itself. I have tried everything to get regular access but my husband continually puts barriers in the way and emotionally blackmails them all the time. I love my kids and just hope and pray that in time they will come round and realise that I am here for them xxxxx N,S and K I love you very very very much xxx

I am at present living with my new partner after being married for sixteen years I have two children aged sixteen and fourteen who live with their dad the reason being my husband and I split up while I was running a pub yards from the marital home at the time of the split the pub enviroment wasnt suitable for the children although I had to move in I left everything in the house for my children I saw them everyday whist running the pub and we all adapted well unfortunately the pub finished and as a result I went bankrupt and moved in with a friend who is now my new partner He dosent work I do I have two jobs I do not get to see my children as often as I like I would love to live with my children once again they are the only thing important to me and I would ideally now love to live with my children at least part time I am now not wanting to be with my new partner just my children

Im a 17 year old daughter and a sibling of six other children. I have personall experence with this sort of thing. my mother and farther split up and I live with my farther, I see my mother as much as I can and she ring me up every morning and night. I love her just as much as my farther, the only difference is that I do not live with her perminantlly. it should not matter what others think og you only what you do for your children. as long as you are the best you can be for them then they will always think the you are the greatest mother of all time, so do not label other as sterotyping you as a bad mother because you are not.
you should also make you relationship with the farther work. I don't mean get back together but trust me there is nothing worse then being in middle of your perents fudes, it just sucks. you don't even have to be frends just be nurteral, for your kids.

One of the horses was kicked by another, shredding the skin on its leg, messing its knee up and becoming very ill from infection. Unable to save her.

The new information is what was decided at the last and final hearing as they were finally divorced a few months back.