My children live with their dad

my sons live with there dad. my ex-husband. I know the look u r talking about & they way u feel u have 2 explain yrself. my sons r now 12yrs & twins 7yrs its 4yrs since I was removed by the courts. ive always sufferd with depression. my twins were born 10wks prem. I had a mental break down when they were 3yrs old. b 4 my boys would b affected a akes childrens services 4 help. they removed me with power of arrest. I had no idea that I would never b allowed home again! in 1 day I lost my boys,my home,my marriage. I saw my boys under supervision 2 start with then after 2 yrs I could have them on my own. I was made homeless 4 3yrs I now have a place 2 call home. my ex-husband wont let my boys have any contact with me cause I said I will kill his girlfriend who is saying she is the mother of my boys. has he has full residence he can do this.children services r no longer involved & there r no court orders. I dont get birthday.christmas,mothers day cards mot even a txt or e-mail. its a year since ive seen or heard from my boys.i feel as though he is punishing me & my boys.why?? only he can answer that. I wish u the best of luck 4 the future.

I am a mother who had custody of my 2 children all there lifes. The father wasn't the odea dad but yes he did love his children and he remarried ever since he remarried I have been dealing with courts and false dyfs charges for like almost 7 years.. I lost my father in august and I spent the last couple days with my dad in the hospitol and I sent the children to be with there dad and I broke a court order he had a order that he couldnt see then until he went to drug classes.. Like I said he loved and would of never hurt them so I made a choice and he took that moment and him and his wife went to courts and again called dyfs and while I am at hospitol with dad I get a phone call I lost custody of my kids a judge just over turned it with out hearing a word from me.. Now my kids have been poisened against me and they are 16 and 12. I have been going back and forth through courts I was getting no where fast so I hired a layer and I don't have alot of money but I will lose everything to get my children back.. So much more to this stroy the system has failed me and I was a good mom not a perfect one like none of us are.. I am so confused on what to do now my kids want there dad and not me only when money is involved do they bother eith me..Do I just give up and give them what they want and hope down the road they see the truth or do I fight with every breathe I take and that's what I wanna do but they are at the age they keep tellin the judge they don't wanna come home.. I don't want then to continue to be in court battles I love them enought to walk away but there dad will do everything he can to keep them hating me he doesn't want them to love us both.. I am all alone my parent sboth passed away never got along with sister and brother and my sister is even helping my ex.. I am all alone and scared and totally confused..any have any advice

Ditto! Your story exactly matches mine (right down to the miserable 9 1/2 years!). Yes - it seems we get a little frowned upon but what is best for the kids is what counts. As for me, now my ex - who lied, cheated, moved them 2 hours drive away from me, and worked the system to his advantage to get my kids - is now wanting to move the kids from their current home / schools to get married! Well, my attorney says I have a great shot at getting custody due to the "change in circumstances". Besides, he's only known her 3 months (can you believe it?) and the kids are old enough to choose - and they've already said they will stay with me rather than move into her house. Cool! Maybe you will have a change in circumstances (google that one) too, but I very much agree with you - I have not created any drama what-so-ever in order that the kids can remain stable and happy, "giving them up" temporarily in order that they can continue to live a "normal" life. It's only because their father is wanting to change the situation and uproot them that I will now swoop in to rescue them and keep them near their friends, have more time with them, and keep them in the schools they're used to. I commend you for not putting your feelings first, I know how hard that can be because I've been there and done it, but I also know God is watching and He takes care of those who follow Him!

I left my husband some 4 years ago, still trying to get divorced and he has the two children with him (my choice as I felt I couldn't take the children away from family and friends, as I moved to the other end of the country and had to start my life again). Both myself and my ex have new partners, but because of the distance I rarely see my two children, I love them dearly and attempt to ring them once a week. I'm having a really hard time with lawyers letters saying I'm not committing to my kids and that I'm becoming a stranger to my children, and that my son is voting with his feet and does not want to speak with me. Then this week I receive a text from my daughter saying can I come and live with you. It nearly broke my heart!!! Neither of my children have attempted to ring me in the four years ( I can count on one hand the times they've phoned) and they even more rarely text me. I'm getting to the stage that I'm wandering why I bother to contact them as they never seem keen to chat when they are at home (almost as if they are feared what they say is over heard), yet when they stay with my mum on the very odd occasion they are like my children and they open up and talk to me on the phone, or talk to my mum. Am I really being a bad mum??? I'm hurting so badly inside but I will never return to live down south as my name is mud!!!

It's not unnatural for you to be apart from your kids anymore than it's unnatural for their father to be away from them. What's important is that your kids have both parents in their lives even if they don't live full time with one of them.

I'm a mom of 3 kids:17-12 (girl, then 2 boys), and get along best with #1 and #3. #2 is defiant w/alienating behavior to me and his sibs. Living arrangements recently changed last year. I now have kids with me 1 wk on /1 wk off. This was decided and agreed upon much against my wishes. Prior to that, I was the primary parent for 16 years. #2 never listens and I have to repeat 6-7 times which makes me lose my patience while other 2 have zero-to-little issues with my style. With the new living situation,#2 spends more than 1 week at a time now with his dad + new wife/child and refuses to come back to my house, or call or return my text msgs-the other 2 kids happy to come back to me and be "normal".Life with the ex is clearly "picnic time" but they let him have everything he wants. I know down the road my son will pay the price as nobody (teachers, bosses, etc.) will settle for that kind of laziness nor attitude of "entitlement". It already shows in his mediocre grades and teacher comments about lackluster quality of work.

Ex was never on the same page with me regarding child-rearing principles, encourages middle son to be defiant to reflect how he acted toward his own mother as a teen and is proud of it - let a kid be a kid to do what he wants in his own way. But sadly, it's being applied across the board. My ex is overly permissive while my style is more authoritative and based on self-discipline which the other 2 kids appreciate that I enforce boundaries and limits- what a parent is supposed to do. How do I deal with socially addressing that my kids are now half-timewith their dad esp. since I feel they were "taken" from me after I was their primary parent for 16 years? I feel a negative social vibe/distance as a result of this plus the fact my son delights in not conforming? He's also an outsider at school and popular only with other fellow social misfits.

Doesn't make you a bad mother, but apparentely the father isn't so bad either! Some guys don't even care about their kids and wouldn't even put up with having their kids at home!!

I hope you realise how lucky you are that your ex decided to take the kids in. Be there for your kids because if you're there for them, it does not matter whom they live with.

Squares, no need for this at all, yes it happens to men all the time, but from what you tell us in your posting, he has used his high ranking position at work, to charm some woman whom he thinks is better than you,

I have seen this situation amongst people I know of before, I can just see these types, bull $hitting each other up at work on how clever they are, and that they are really just made for each other,

My view is that ALL adulterers shouldn't profit from their activities, male or female, nor make money out of the innocent one left behind, you will find that if he took £20-00 a week off you, he would still be "quids in" on child costs, not that he needs it.

Please give us absent Mothers a break! 6 months ago my 13 years old daughter decided to go and live with her Dad (my ex husband) and his new wife, (the bank cashier he was having an affair with). No reason she just decided she wanted to live with her Dad!?! Being the Director of Banking for a very well know bank he earns a VERY high salary. I have this week received a phonecall from the CSA and they are going to take £60 per week off me, I don't earn a high salary and have high monthly outgoings, I have taken legal advice but there isn't a thing I can do about it. How can someone on 5 times my salary take all that money off me? This will leave me with no spare cash at all. I take my daughter on 2 weeks holiday abroad in the Summer and am taking her away for Chrismas, I pay for haircuts, clothers etc etc but this is going to have to stop he is taking all my spare spending money. He has a wage from his wife coming in and no other kids. If I had a choice she would be living with me but I don't. When we had shared custody he paid me £30 per week, how do they work that out!!! When they want £60 off me! The system is a Joke.

I agree with this one...my children are 16 and 18 now but I left 7 years ago.
now that the time has passed and im getting a little older people assume they are grown up but yes I hated the question in the earlier days!
My son was rewarded for attacking me in the form of a video game and if I rang to speak to them I was told to f off, its a fact ot life that women are frowned upon when a man in the same situation will often be met with a degree of sympathy.
i have read the posts about the csa and all those fathers and the wicked women who persue them financially..... well I had to sleep in a truck and drive 6 days a week to pay my ex and when I couldnt do it anymore I have faced endless hassle from them.. please someone give us absent mothers a break!

What a load of rubbish. Far as I know, I would want everything equal. I always have and always will. I want nothing more then for my children to see there mum and love there mum. I can't say the same for her though. So to hell with that

my children were taken off me by social services due to mental health problems.my son lives with his father.i find it hard to get any acces as his family makes my life hell.so I had to take the decision to walk away from my son.and it is hard to get on with your life as people are nosey and treat you like a bad mother.life is cruel but when my son is older I will tell him how hard I tryed to see him.my advice is to stay postive to all part time mothers.